moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
