The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
