can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
