hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
