she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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