If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
