sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
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