Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
