I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I deserve to be covered in dicks
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
