On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
