I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
