youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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