Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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