I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
