Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
