So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
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