I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
