You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I got inside last night via doggy door
It all started with a game of naked twister.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
