So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Someone came in the potted fern
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I want a musical about memes.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Randomize
