I hate your face
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
