What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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