walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
