I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
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