OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
