Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
