o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
