super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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