AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
