i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
