Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
