Pappa wants mamma naked
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
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