yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
