Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
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