We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
