You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
