Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
