I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
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