I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
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