you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
