How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
We have started to decorate penises.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Randomize
