Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
