Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Randomize
