C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
