Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
