this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
