can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
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