I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
