i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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