I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize