Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
