The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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