Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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