just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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