All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I feel great
I just peed on a car
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
