Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Randomize
