You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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