Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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