She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
