at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
