he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I am naked and annoyed.
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