remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Randomize
