Your dad touched me again.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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