Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
