It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize