Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
