he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
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