this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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