So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize
