I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
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