I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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