I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
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