I think I just saw someone hide a body.
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
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