drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
someone get that fucking seahorse.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
