i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
