I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
