i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
