just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
