Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
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