I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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