My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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